I miss you SO much…..

LUCI: I pooped on the potty today and Mommy was SO excited! She clapped her hands and yelled, “YAY LUCI!!!” I was really excited! It made me feel so happy! Then I had to flush my poop. I said, “Goodbye poop! I will miss you so much!” I miss a lot of things when they go away. I miss people, too! I miss Ellie, Easah, and Evan when they go to school. I miss Daddy when he goes to work. I miss Grandma and Grandpa when they go to the beach. Sometimes, when I go to the store with Mommy, I miss my house and my dog. I say, “It’s so good to be home,” when we come back. If Mommy goes potty and closes the door, I miss her. I just miss everything and everyone SO much!

MOMMY: I mean….seriously? Is this normal? Is she ok? I worry so much about Luci’s emotional and mental state. I don’t EVER make a big deal about “goodbyes.” When Ellie and Easah leave for the weekend, it’s “See ya Sunday! Have fun! Love you!” I don’t even give them a big send-off for school each day. Most days, I’m not even out of bed before they leave. I listen. I know the sounds of each one closing/slamming the door every morning. I know the difference between their steps on the stairs. I know when someone is having a bad morning because they can’t find something, so they frantically stomp up and down the stairs. I know when I hear Ellie, coming up to check on Easah (as she does every morning,) whether she is wearing her Converse All-Stars or boots because they sound different on the steps. I know when Evan comes up to take a shower, because he “walks heavy.” I know when Easah is running behind because she lets the front door slam as she runs for the bus. Anyway, I’m aware and I am listening, but I feel that they are old enough to get themselves around. I have guilt sometimes that I don’t at least say goodbye. But, again…goodbye’s aren’t my thing. Maybe I will regret that someday. But, for now…that’s how it goes around here. It’s “see ya later!” SO…why is little Luci having so much trouble with “missing” things and people? I know that her Daddy’s work schedule has been very different for all of us. She constantly tells me that she misses him. Is it a cue to something bigger and deeper for her, or is it just what she says? We saw her Uncle Nick and Aunt Kirby over the weekend, and the very next day she said, ” I willy miss Nick and Kirby!” She regularly comments on a picture we have of her Great-Grandma Carnes hanging in our kitchen and says, ” I willy miss her!” I mean, she “misses” her poop that she flushed!! Should I be concerned? I don’t know. It’s possible that she just “feels” things more than I do. Maybe she’s more sensitive and emotional. Maybe I won’t be able to relate to her AT ALL when she’s a teen/young adult?? Maybe I didn’t grow up knowing enough about loss.  Cats came and went. Dogs lived and died.  Maybe I have a “pet mentality” when it comes to people too. Maybe I take it for granted that people will always be around; or, when they finally do pass away, I will be able to handle it the same way as I have of the loss of a pet. No. That can’t be the case, because I desperately miss my Grandma and Grandpa. I miss family. I miss friends. I miss “the way it was!” I miss traditions and holidays and meals and moments.

WAIT!!! Maybe it’s ROUTINE THAT SHE MISSES!!!! YES! She has no concept of time. She doesn’t know if the girls or her Daddy will be gone for a few hours or days. THIS. This, I can relate to! As an adult, you get to the point where you realize the difference between the routine of seeing certain people versus missing the actual people you are or are not seeing!  So, she definitely really misses the people in her life, but at her age…she is really just missing the routine of seeing them. For her, it’s easy. For adults, it gets a little harder. Sometimes you have to step back and evaluate the people in your life. Are they there because you want them or need them? Or are they there because you are used to the routine of them being there?

“One question: are you here ’cause you need someone, or ’cause you need me?… Forget it, I don’t care.” -Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) “Say Anything”

(sigh……..) It’s a lot. It’s big. It’s little. It’s confusing. It’s worrisome. It’s normal.

It’s normal.


“CAKE….and eat it too!”

LUCI: So, last week was my sister’s birthday and she had cake! It was the yummy kind of cake with lots of blue flowers. I tried it by myself when no one was in the kitchen. Mommy came in and yelled at me because I had blue lips. The next day, Mommy gave me a whole piece of the cake. I thought it would be fun to set it on my chair and stomp my feet in it! The cake and icing felt SO funny between my toes! I was so excited to show Mommy what I did, so I walked through the house, all the way up the stairs to show her! She didn’t seem happy! The NEXT day, I POOPED BLUE PLAYDOUGH!!! How many other toddlers can say they did THAT?!? I love it when my sister has a birthday!!

MOMMY:  Holy. Shit. The store-bought cake. NEVER again. My daughter’s friend dropped a small birthday cake off to her as a token of her love. I had no idea this cake would become the topic of conversation, let alone the prime suspect in many messes, for the following four days! It started when Luci decided to help herself to the blue iced flowers. WOW! Her face and hands stayed blue for hours! The next day, I caved and gave her a piece of cake. Then, I thought (stupidly) that I could slip away to take a quick shower and no harm would be done. Wrong. I realized my mistake as soon as I peeked out of the shower curtain when Luci came in the bathroom as said, “Mommy! Look…cake!” She. Had. Cake. Everywhere. “Luci!!! NOOOO!” After cleaning up the mess, I STILL left the remaining cake on the counter. (I’m asking myself now why I didn’t just throw it all away!) Day 3 arrived, and Luci pooped her pants. When she announced what had just happened, I was shocked to see what was actually in her underwear! I kid you not, it looked like someone sculpted a bright blue submarine out of playdough! Gross!!! Day 4 can only be explained by saying that anyone in our house that ate cake didn’t have a normal color of bowel movement, and they thought it was their duty to share it with me. Morale to our little story is: 1. NEVER trust a toddler for even a FIVE minute shower! 2. NEVER trust a toddler with cake. 3. NEVER trust a store-bought, chemical-ridden, dye-drenched cake ever, ever, ever, again! Happy Birthday, Ellie! 😉

“When you have to go potty….”

LUCI: Mommy has been wanting me to use the “big girl potty” for awhile. I’ve been really trying. The underwear (or as I like to call them, “panty pants”) are ok, but sometimes I miss my white diapers. When I wear my white diapers, I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to go potty. Sometimes, I’m doing really important things like playing with my blocks or watching my favorite show. When I start to feel like I have to go, I yell “I gotta water on the potty!” and I run to the bathroom. I sit on my potty chair on the toilet and go pee pee. Then, I “pat, pat, pat, pat, pat” with paper, put it in the water, and pull my panty pants back up. Except poop. I don’t like to poop on the potty. The other day, I pooped in my pants and then I ran around the house. Some of the poop came out and landed on the floor. It was the CUTEST little poop! It was SO TINY and CUTE! I picked a piece up and showed it to Mommy. I thought she would love it! She did not love it. She said, “YUCK! Is that poop?? LUCI!! NO!!!”

MOMMY: Oh, the joys of potty-training! We have been at it for about a month now. Every day, Luci is getting better and better at making it to the bathroom. In the beginning, I resorted to all-out bribery. I put a bowl of leftover Christmas candy on the back of the toilet and told her she could pick a candy bar if she went on the potty. That didn’t last very long. She picked 6 candy bars when I wasn’t looking. Then my 16-year-old son came home, used the bathroom, and promptly came out to say, “Mom. Do you really think the back of the toilet is the best place for a candy dish. Gross.” I could see his point. So, I moved on to a hidden stash of suckers. After a few days, Luci was using the potty without expecting a reward. We didn’t put pants on her for the first couple of weeks. I wanted it to be as easy as possible for her to do it herself. Now, we are to the point where she can wear pants and we have even taken short trips to the store with no accidents. She has also had a few successful nights when she stayed dry all night or got up in the middle of the night to go potty. Pee pee…yes. Poop….NO! She just refuses to poop on the potty! If I catch her pooping in her pants, she runs and hides. Then the other day, she ran around with poop in her pants without me realizing it. Because she loves anything that is tiny, small, cute, baby, etc., she thought her little poop nugget was SO great! She was proud to show me her little poop nugget! I did not have the same reaction to the above-mentioned poop nugget.  We’ll keep trying! I mean, surely she won’t still be pooping her pants when she’s 5, right?!?